All too often women are betraying other women in obvious and subtle ways. A woman may flirt with someone else’s partner, because it makes her feel pretty or important. She may try to capture another man’s attention while walking past him even though he’s holding his partner’s hand. These little betrayals of respect happen everyday and tend to be habits of certain women with disregard to the other woman. They are looking for a cheap little thrill of attention to feel good and then move onto the next man – though the sting is still real for the partner’s woman.
Then, there are those women that are betraying one woman on a regular basis on a more conscious level. These women are the work “friend” or colleague that are attracted to someone else’s partner and make an effort to become closer with him because she enjoys being around him and secretly wishes for something more.
You know the woman – and maybe you are that woman – the woman in the workplace that is attracted to one of her male coworkers. She’s often single and younger and this male coworker is usually attractive, nice and either married or in a serious relationship. He is polite, kind, nice, and attentive – because he is at work and he needs to be on his top game. She enjoys their talks and time together, so she makes sure she spends more time with him to get to know him better and so he can get to know her better. She does this because it makes her feel good inside — and not on a purely friendship level.
The connection begins innocently, even though, there may have been some type of initial attraction at first. That attraction is often pushed away and the work friendship develops. But, then, they share stories, laughter, coffee, walks, meetings together, and she realizes they have much in common and she begins to develop feelings for him. So instead of distancing herself and maintaining a purely work relationship, she finds ways to spend time with him alone, to meet him in the hallway and she tries to find more ways to connect with him. She schedules coffee or tea breaks and lunches. She works to impress him with her goals, her humor, and vents to him about her hard days. Then, the emotional relationship develops.
When she attempts to date other guys, no one compares to her male coworker, so none of them work out. So she thinks of how she can spend more time together with her coworker. She suggests to do this and then suggests to do that. She tries to arrange trips together for work or if she cant, she arranges meetings with him. She begins to depend and look forward to their time together. She looks forward to opening up to him.
He, of course, enjoys her attention because she is there always smiling, connecting, and showing interest in him — which boosts his ego. Men really do love their ego boosted. Plus, he knows he is in a committed relationship and even mentions his partner to this coworker. So, he feels he is in a safe friend relationship – oblivious of her attraction to him. But, of course, he may also begin to develop a connection. If this happens, it can lead to many problems with his partner and at work.
What this woman at work does not realize is that she is betraying the intimate and committed partner in his life. The woman that cooks for him, packs his lunch, comforts him when he is depressed, cleans for him, cares and worries about his mental well being and health daily, helps him shop and pick out his clothes that he looks so handsome in at work, hugs him when he is crying, loves him — truly loves him because she knows who is really is on his best moments and the way he really is the rest of the time when he is not working. She truly cares for him, while this coworker simply enjoys the way she feels around him and what she sees at work, not what he is really like in real life.
This woman does not realize the relationship this man has with his woman – their deep talks, their plans, their closeness, their dreams together, their bond, their connection, their promises, their years together, their connection with each others family and friends, their passion and so on. All she seems to care about is her feelings when she is with him.
She may reason that they are not involved sexually nor kissing — but if she wants their relationship to go there and/or wants to have a real romantic relationship with him and is attempting to get closer to him, she is betraying another woman by trying to get closer and closer to him.
If you are this woman, you know you have had those feelings that you question and you still decide to get closer. You see that he may be interested to because he shares things with you and he laughs at your jokes. So, you give yourself the okay. This is betraying the other woman.
Are you that woman? How do you know? Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you want to spend time alone with him without his partner around? Do you constantly try to find something that only you and he can do?
- Do you have feelings for him and wish he was single?
- Do you find yourself wanting to be a part of his life that his partner is not a part of?
- Do you cringe when he talks about his partner?
- Do you know that your relationship with him is betraying another woman?
- If you had a partner, would you want a woman acting and feeling about your man the way you do?
- Have you seen yourself become more attracted to him and still get closer?
- Have you seen that his interest in you has grown and you still get closer?
- Can you feel a tension rise between you two and you still are getting closer?
Over 50% of affairs happen in the workplace. Dr. Shirley Glass says in her book Not ‘Just Friends’, “The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they’ve crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love. Eighty-two percent of the 210 unfaithful partners I’ve treated have had an affair with someone who was, at first, ‘just a friend.'” Glass continues, “Today’s workplace has become the new danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity.”
These affairs are not often the boss and the younger secretary anymore. They are more often with colleagues that are interacting with each other on a regular basis. They develop a bond with one another that seems innocent. Then, soon enough, they are making time just for each other and extending the work relationship to something deeper.
These affairs don’t happen overnight. They begin with constant bonding and some form of attraction which lead to an emotional affair. Along the way, the signs are there. But, too many women ignore them and move forward — betraying another woman. Once a woman realizes there are signs of an emotional connection — she should learn to distance herself — out of respect to the other woman.
If women would look out for other women instead of betraying them, relationships would be stronger and our world would actually become a better place. There would be more trust, more true connection, less worry, better friendships and more time for things that really matter in our lives.
If you start having feelings for someone else’s man, it is best to keep your space and back away from him. Sure you will be sad a little, but it’s better than ruining their relationship, your self-worth, and the work environment.
If you notice a man getting closer to you in ways that seem to disrespect his partner — respect the woman and speak up or back away. Instead of enjoying the attention, make it clear you don’t approve and you respect his partner. Also, ask questions like, “Would you partner be okay with you and I doing this together.” Make sure or you may see yourself in a very bad situation in the future and with a broken heart.
Basically, be respectful and aware that this man has a devoted, loving and caring woman that is there for him 24 hours a day and honor their commitment and be someone she can trust instead of someone that she needs to worry about.
Note: Affairs happen between two people, for sure. This article is focusing on just one type and one side of a work affair. Of course, if an affair happens in this relationship, the man is responsible as well and that is for another article. But, it’s important to touch on this subject because all too often it is neglected. Women in the workplace is a delicate issue these days and this is one of the reasons why — among others of course. If woman were to be more considerate of the women in the lives of the men they work with instead of flirting, trying to get emotional support from them and trying to develop close personal tempting relationships with them – more work would get done and woman would be more respected in the workplace, plus more families and relationships would stay together and be happier.
We as women should be sticking together and working together to make sure we are not disrespecting one another instead of trying to get more attention than the other. We should be encouraging, loving, caring, and looking out for each other instead of trying to take away what another has. Think about it, if we can stick together and learn to control ourselves, then men wont be able to cheat on us.
If you need help in being more respectful toward other women or you are a woman that has a crush on your coworker, I can help you deal with those patterns and emotions. Just reach out and you can learn to stop betraying other women.