How to Overcome the Pain of the Past

Release the pain of the pastWe have all been let down in many ways throughout our lives. We have all been betrayed, lied to and hurt in some other manner by another person. Actually, this has happened several times to all of us – in our personal lives and in the workplace. In fact, we have even taken actions or spoken words ourselves that have hurt others and have even caused disappointment to our own selves.  We ALL have!

Some people have the ability to move past these let downs, realize the lessons learned, and grow from them very quickly. They barely give the experiences a second thought. Those are the people that usually adapt better in life and advance faster toward attaining their dreams. But, what if you are not that type of person? What if you are still holding onto an experience or experiences that were painful? Are you replaying past disappointing situations over and over again in your mind and reliving the frustration, the hurt and all of those other emotions again and again? If you are, you must know that you are robbing yourself from greater success in life. You are preventing yourself from enjoying your current moments and from fully becoming the person you desire and need to be for your goals.

If you desire to have incredible, healthy and loving relationships in your life, but if you are holding onto the pain of past relationships you may find that maintaining healthy relationships is a struggle for you. Same is true for career advancement. If you are walking around feeling bitter about not getting a promotion, because you are not making enough money, because you lost a big deal or for any other reason, it is more difficult to move forward for a better future.

If holding onto the pain of the past is not healthy for your life, why do so many people do so? Some people don’t want to let go of past pains. If you are one of them, then you might want to read my last article, I wrote about why you should let go of the pain of the past. However, if you are a person that is ready to let go of your past pains but have a hard time letting go, then continue reading to learn of a few ways that may help you release the pain of the past:

  1. Realize that you can change. When you believe you can change the way you think and feel, you are better able to allow new thought patterns.
  2. Know that you are not your past. The past does not define who you are at this moment, unless you allow it to. You have the free will to be different than your past and to think differently.
  3. Look at the opportunities that are available in your present moment. Become more aware of what is happening around you now. There are so many opportunities around you that you can take advantage of and become a better person from.
  4. Refocus on something else that is more fulfilling. It may be challenging at first, but keep refocusing of what benefits your life and it will become easier over time.
  5. Learn from the past experiences. Ask yourself what you can learn from these hurtful situations. How can you move forward in your life with these lessons and without repeating the same mistakes?
  6. Remind yourself that you deserve happiness and a more content mind. We all deserve happiness and that includes you!
  7. Reflect on what some of your dreams and hopes were. Before you were hurt, you had dreams and hopes. What were they. Bring them to the front of your focus again. Perhaps they have changed? That is okay. Bring those revised dreams and hopes forward.
  8. Take back your power. When you are focused on and resenting what someone else did to you, you are giving your power away. Take back your power and take control of your life.
  9. Ask yourself how else can you remember this past experience? Discover different ways you can think and feel about hurtful experiences. There is more than one way to see any situation.
  10. Build up your self-confidence. When you are confident in yourself, you no longer will have the strong pull to hang onto the past.  You will want to think and behave in ways that improve the quality of your life. Need help with building your self-confidence?  Join #InspireChat on twitter on April 4th at 12pmEST and listen to my new Your Thoughts Matter podcast this week of April 4th. The whole week is devoted to self-confidence.

Holding onto the pain of past can disrupt your current relationships, your enjoyment of life and can halt the progress of your future. It is time to stop this pattern and reclaim yourself, take back your power and begin living the life that you deserve. Let go of the past. These 10 tips can help if you reflect and apply them. If your past hurt was from a friend, a lover, a business partner, a colleague, a stranger, or a family member, these tips can be applied. If you have trouble doing so on your own and you need coaching, I will be happy to guide you. Simply reach out to me and we can schedule a time. You deserve an investment in yourself to let go and move on.

Also, make sure you sign up for my Your Thoughts Matter Newsletter to receive tips and more to your mailbox.

Much love,
Joanne Cipressi

 

Why Should You Let Go of the Pain of…

Let go of the Pain of the pastSpring is time for renewal and as with any renewal process, there is a need to clean up and let go of clutter and those things that are impeding growth. Mental clutter is just as important to let go as is physical clutter. One form of mental clutter is holding onto to past hurts. Whether this pain was caused by you or another person, holding onto to past pain stifles you from moving forward in your life.

Sometimes people find comfort in holding on because its familiar or they feel that holding on can protect them from future pain so they keep these memories alive. People come up with many reasons to justify why they keep replaying the pain of the past. Whatever their reasons may, the fact is that these excuses and this replaying the pain of the past keeps them from moving forward in their life. Sometimes people need to ponder of reasons why they should let go of their past hurt to motivate them to move on.

If you find you are holding onto the pain of something that happened in the past and revisiting those memories over and over again, please consider letting go of the pain and moving forward to a more enjoyable life. If you need some motivation to let go of your past hurts, I created this list of reasons to let go. Truly reflect within as you read.

1. You will experience more happiness and joy. When your mind is replaying the pain of the past, there is less chance to recognize what is available in the present moment.Your mind can only focus on one thought at any given moment. Therefore, if you are spending your moments reflecting on a past pain, during those moments you can not possibly feel joy. But, when you let go, you leave more room in your life to experience more happiness, joy and love.

2. You can better realize your hopes and dream. We all have hopes and dreams. It is one of the wonderful things about being human that I enjoy. But, when we are living in past regrets or resentments, these hopes and dreams fade away in the background. Once in a while they may peek out, but when you allow the past pain to replay over and over again these dreams fade again. So, let go and allow your hopes and dreams to come to the front of your mind again.

3. You can give people reasons to admire you and to be inspired by you instead of pitying you. There are many other people who are holding onto their past pains as well. When you are able to move past a hurtful memory and grow from it, people can admire you and even be inspired by you. Isn’t this better than being pitied?

4.Your relationships will improve. When your mind if you living in the past, this affects your present emotions and actions. When you are feeling out of balance and in an angry or sad state due to a past experience, you are not being fair to those in your current life. When you let go of past hurts, you give the opportunity for present relationships to thrive and to be more fruitful because you are finally being present in them.

5. Your deserve to be nice to yourself.  By holding onto past hurts and reliving them in your mind, you are not being very nice to yourself. You have the power to be kind to yourself or to be unkind. Why choose to be unkind by allowing yourself to feel the pain of something that happened so long ago? Choose to be loving and kind to yourself and let go.

6. You will have more time. Replaying the pain of the past takes up a lot of time! These memories can make you mad, sad, and frustrated which can take time away from the things that you can be doing to better your life. Release these past memories and have more time!

7. You can take ownership of your future. When you are resenting what others have done in the past and blaming them for your current situation and current emotions, you are giving up your personal power. You are still allowing this other person to have power. When you let go, you can take ownership for your life and can move forward improving it.

8. You can experience more freedom. Holding onto the past is like putting yourself in a box or a prison cell. You are confined by these walls and your rob yourself from freedom. When you let you go, you break down the walls and can experience more in life – you will have more freedom.

9. You can stop suffering. Suffering can not hold onto you – you must hold onto suffering. By reliving the past and feeling the pain over and over again, you are allowing yourself to suffer. Stop inviting this into your soul and make up your mind to finally stop suffering. You can replace suffering with something much more enjoyable like love, hope, being brave and laughter.

10. You can give yourself another chance. By holding onto the past, you are prohibiting yourself from having another chance at love, happiness, joy or whatever you have been hiding away from. You may believe you are protecting yourself from future pain. But, you are already in pain because of your constant replaying. But, instead you can always have another friendship, another love, another career, but you only have one you. You deserve to give yourself another chance at what you want. The only way is to let go and be brave enough to give yourself another chance. So, please allow yourself to let go.

My hope is that these reasons give you some motivation to let go of past hurts. Whether these hurts were caused by parents, lovers, co-workers, friends, strangers or even yourself, you can learn to let go of the pain. Make sure you come back and read my next article that will offer tips on how to let go. Sometimes you may need extra help and guidance because you don’t know how to do it on your own. As a life coach, I have been helping people, for 20 years, to heal their past hurts, learn to let go, and show them how to be brave and to move forward with their hopes and dreams. Reach out to me and we can partner together so you can finally be free. My contact info is on the side bar.

Also, please follow me on SoundCloud as I am starting a new Podcast, on April 4th, called Your Thoughts Matter. Your Thoughts Matter will focus on how your thoughts influence your feelings, actions, relationships and the rest of life. There will also be tips and suggestion on how to improve your thought patterns to improve the quality of your life.

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