Fear | Joanne Cipressi

Don’t Just Face Your Fear, Embrace Your Fear!

I was Afraid to Appear Weak

When I was a young teen, I was so brave…or I pretended I was.

Basically, I think I simply hid what I really was feeling and masked it with appearing to be brave because I was afraid to look weak.

Truth Be Told

However, the truth was told as I waited in the tiny doctor’s room – you know those really teeny tiny rooms they keep you in for what seems like an eternity before anyone comes to see you – waiting for the nurse to come in to talk to me.

I broke down every single time I had to wait!

I could not handle being in that little, itty, bitty room all by myself.

I would peak outside the door and look down the empty hall in hopes to see someone.

I would pace in the room back and forth.

And, sometimes, I would cry, wondering what was taking them so long.

A few times I walked out of the room and stood in the hallway.

I was so uncomfortable!

I was petrified of small spaces – not just doctor rooms.

And, I knew why – but the “why” did not help me feel better at all.

Actually, when it comes down to it, the “why” does not matter at all – when needed to move forward!

Nope.

All I needed to know was that I was afraid of something that could not hurt me…at least not anymore. AND that I wanted to change!

It was so obvious that I was uncomfortable with myself. I really needed to learn to have a better relationship with myself so that I was able to tolerate being alone with my thoughts and emotions.

Facing and Embracing My Fear of Small Spaces

Usually, once I realize something is a problem for me, I face it.

I hate to have anything within my mind or body that is unsettled.

Facing this fear, was what I needed to do.

So, I went to extremes.

When I was 19, I took a trip to the Empire State Building and decided I would stand in that teeny, tiny elevator for all 102 floors!

I was never afraid of heights probably due to the freedom of being up so high with the sky being closer to me. Being up high is so spacious.

But, the small elevator tight with tons of people was another issue.

So, I went by myself. I bought my ticket. For some reason, the second elevator was closed, so I was only able to go to the 86th floor. This was a great relief for me.

I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

Took another breath and believe it or not, I was completely fine.

But, the ride was so short–so I needed another test.

So, I decided to take a trip to Las Vegas from PA on the smallest airplane I could find.

I figured a small space for that long would have to completely cure me.

A month later, I was flying across the country.

I sat there and simply felt the fear.

I felt my nerves tingle, and my muscles tighten.

I felt as if my blood was boiling and my mouth was dry.

My head was becoming tight and my neck was tense.

I was hot, very hot.

My hands were sweaty.

Then there was a chill through my whole body. Then, more heat.

So, this is what fear felt like…

I embraced the feeling. I embraced the feeling of fear.

I allowed myself to enjoy the experience and to accept the fear.

From there, I was able to reason within my mind, while allowing this feeling of fear to flow through me.

I embraced this fear and welcomed it as a part of who I am.

I was learning to be ok with whatever I was feeling. Accepting. Loving. Being.

You know what?

Magic happened! The fearful feelings completely faded away!

The rest of the ride was without any concerns, as well as the ride back.

Today

It was funny, on Tuesday, I went to visit a client who lives in a high rise building.

The friendly concierge greeted as he always does. But this time we warned me that someone got trapped in the elevator just four hours prior.

We joked about it and he said, “Hope you don’t get stuck!”

I replied, “Well, it would be an amazing meditation.”

He laughed.

I walked in the elevator and I wished that it would get stuck…so I could be just there meditating and feeling.

It is amazing how you change and your life changes when you face your fear.

You grow to trust and love yourself even more.

You grow to trust and love others and life even more.

Your Turn to Share

What have you been afraid of that you overcame? What are you currently afraid of? Did this blog encourage you to face your fear? What is the strangest fear that you ever heard of?

Thanks for reading!
Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP

To reach out to Joanne for personal coaching, to speak at your event, hold a workshop, or for a transformational full-day immersion, call her at 267-266-6480 or email at Joanne@joannecipressi.com

Is Fear Standing in Your Way?

Do you allow fear to stand in your way?

Is fear stopping you from going after something that you want?

Is fear acting like a big tall wall keeping you away from a dream?

Fear is like an imaginary demon that many people allow to live in their minds. It torments them, haunts them, and makes them feel so small that they stop doing what they really want to do. I’m sure that you have at least one of those imaginary demons living in your mind — or you would not be reading this right now.

Hmmm…well, I know the feeling, because that little demon was in my mind as well and sometimes it revisits me. When he starts knocking, we have to have a little talk and work on a few issues, then fortunately, these days, he strolls away.

Fear is something we all have to deal with from time to time. But, there are some people, that fear is always there and seems to permanently reside in their thought patterns interrupting them from being content doing what they desire to.

It’s interesting actually, that we allow these illusions to have so much control. These illusions are not even real nor tangible. What we fear is not even present because it’s about something that we think may happen in the future – whether that future is in a few moments or in a few months.

It seems a bit crazy when you really think about it. We are scared of something happening that has not actually happened and most likely will not happen.

However, what’s interesting, is that by fearing something (especially when we obsessively fear something), we often create what we fear to become a reality in the future. This is because we are so focused on this fear which affects our mental state, our emotional patterns, our words and our actions. We basically set ourselves up for attracting this “something” to us. For example, you fear social situations because you are afraid people may judge you, not like you, think something awful of you, or you are unsure what to talk about. By worrying about these things, you are more likely to stutter, look unpleasant, make mistakes, spill a drink or something else that could be avoided if you were able to focus on and enjoy your interactions.

Another interesting, yet unfortunate aspect about fear,Is is that it takes you away from what you really want. For example, if you are fearful of being cheated on by your partner, you are always looking to see if he/she is acting in suspicious ways, you may be badgering your partner with questions about the opposite sex, and you feel insecure about the relationship. All of these things will most likely push your partner away instead of bringing him/her closer. Instead of fearing, you can be admiring the good qualities, focusing on what you value about your relationship, and enjoying your time together – all which will enhance the quality of your partnership.

What is it that you fear? Social situations, balloons, being abandoned, snakes, dentists, being poor, being cheated on, being fired, not getting a new job, being alone for the rest of your life, making mistakes, not attaining your goals, cats, love, death?

If you have had a fear for a long time, you know the damage that fear can do. It can destroy opportunities, relationships, careers, health, and the quality of your life.

Overcoming fear is easier said than done, as you know. If would refreshing, if we wake one day and “poof” the fear is gone. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most people.

As a life coach, I help people overcome fear all the time. Fear is one of the biggest stumbling blocks that I have seen that come between a person’s dreams and actually achieving their dreams. This is true for those that want a healthy and happy relationship, a better career, improved vitality, and all of those goals people have like public speaking, writing a book, swimming, drawing, making new friends, overcoming an addiction and so on.

One of the first steps is to acknowledge your fears, admit them and realize how they are disrupting your life. Once you are able to do this, then you can work on overcoming your fear and transforming it into something else that is more useful in your life.

When you are finally ready to overcome your fear, I have over 18 years experience helping people move past their fears and to move forward with their goals. Reach out. That’s what I am here for!

Much love,

Joanne Cipressi
Personal and Relationship Coach

5 Common First Date Fears

Does going on a first date make you nervous? Do you have fears about first dates? You are not alone if you do. Most people do. Here are some of the common first date fears that my clients present to me that you may be able to relate with:

“I am not good looking enough.” First impressions matter, right? We all know that is true. And, well your appearance is the first thing your date sees and judges you by. So, of course you want to be concerned about your looks. But, being overly concerned that it interrupts the enjoyment or makes your look nervous can ensure that there is not a second date. Tip: Learn to accept your looks and how to bring out your best qualities.
“I don’t know what to talk about.” This is one of the biggest concerns that I hear from clients. They ask, “What can I talk about?” or “What should I not talk about?” They worry before they even meet their date about conversations. Tip: I say talk about what you love, about what you are passionate about. This is how you will know if you have similar interests.
“Will he/she like me?” We all desire to be liked especially when on a date. But, worrying about whether you are liked or not will not change the fact that they either will like you or not. In fact, if enter the date with a fear of not being liked, that energy can be felt and it usually does not end up well. Tip: You should be more concerned if you are going to like your date or not. If you are so preoccupied if your date will like you, you may not really get to know your date enough to see if you like them.
“Should I kiss my date?” I have been asked over and over again, “Should I kiss her?” Tip: Don’t even think about this until you decide if you really want to kiss her or not. Then, if you do, if there are clear signs, then kiss. If there are not clear signs, I think it’s best to ask her first.
“What should I wear?” Again, first impressions are important. So, of course you want to make sure you are dressed appropriately. Tip: Wear what makes you feel good, what’s appropriate for the date, make sure it’s ironed, is clean and smells fresh. If you need help with your wardrobe, call me and I can help prepare you.

There are so many other fears that people experience on a first date, a second date and so on! I hope these quick tips help you a little.

As your dating coach, Joanne Cipressi can help you overcome these fears and date with more confidence. If you are a single and looking for love, I can help you prepare for your first date, offer date suggestions, do wardrobe makeovers, do hair/makeup makeovers, share communication tips, overcome fears, work through anxiety, and much, much more! I help singles in the Philadelphia, NYC, and Bucks County areas. If you are in another location, we can set up Skype or Phone sessions. Call me at 267-266-6480 or send me an email at joanne@joannecipressi.com.

Don’t Just Face Your Fear, Embrace Your Fear!

Don’t Just Face Your Fear, Embrace Your Fear!

Is Fear Standing in Your Way?

5 Common First Date Fears

If you are ready for a real transformation then Makeover Your Mind to Makeover Your Life