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Dating Help

Looking for Love? Ask Yourself these 4 Questions First!

So, you are single and want to find love. You want to find someone that you admire, respect, trust, are attracted to and enjoy being with.

You want someone that is compatible with your dreams, habits, ideals, and beliefs.

You want someone you can trust, grow closer to and be yourself with. Basically, you want your “happily ever after” that you can share the rest of your life with.

Have you been seeking for this special someone for what seems to be an eternity? Has it been so long since you found anyone that comes even close to your ideals? Or are you discovering some amazing people, but they are not interested in you? If any of these apply, ask yourself these 4 questions:

  1. Are you constantly lonely? Feeling lonely is a horrible feeling. I remember that feeling many years ago, so I can absolutely relate. However, I have learned that looking for love while you are lonely, will only lead you to people who are vibrating on that frequency (or one compatible with that feeling) and will not make you attractive to those people you deserve and desire to love for a lifetime. Suggestion: Learn to be your best friend and to enjoy being alone. (Also, keep in mind, its natural to feel lonely once in a while, but if you are in a constant state of loneliness, then the above applies and you should really learn to enjoy your own company before looking for love.)
  2. Are you still recovering or hurting from a past love? If you are still recovering from a bad breakup or hurting from recently ending a long term relationship, it may be wise to heal a little bit more before you start seeking. Suggestion: Forgive both yourself and your ex-partner, learn from your mistakes and give yourself permission to move forward for something better.
  3. Looking for love tip 1What do you really want? What are your must haves? Knowing clearly what you want and feel you need from a relationship is very important. Are you looking to build a family with children or are you looking for a life-long partner to change the world without children? Do you want that super close knit relationship where you do everything together or do you need lots of space? Do you have any conditions or concerns that you need an understanding and patient partner? Knowing what you want and need will help you attract the type of individual best suited for you. Suggestion: Take time to get to know yourself better to discover what you really want and need. Write a short list and don’t bend when meeting someone that does not fit. This list should be short as these are to be the most important must haves that you will not bend on. Remember, all good relationships have partners who compromise on many things, so make sure your list is reasonable and only focuses on what is MOST important. 
  4. What are your deal breakers? We all have at least one thing that we definitely do not want in a relationship. I have two and when I was dating, those were the first two questions I asked when I first met someone. I wanted to know before we even considered going on a date. I did not want to waste time with someone, romantically, if they did these two things. It may sound cold, but when you date, you need to make sure you are being fair to both you and your potential partner by being honest about what you need up front. Sure, you may like each and enjoy being with one another, but if they do or want something that is a definite deal breaker and you find out after you starting building a bond, there can be some unnecessary uneasiness and time wasted. Suggestion: Figure out what your definite deal breakers are. This does not include “maybes”. This only includes those very few things you know that you can not tolerate nor want in a relationship. 

Reflecting on these 4 questions can certainly help you know yourself better and make you more equipped for finding the love you want.

As a dating coach, I help singles become the best they can be so they find the best partner possible for them. I help them overcome fears, habits, and communication skills that are hindering their success, as well as help them improve their image, personality, emotional and thought patterns so they can attract their ideal partner.

When you are serious and ready to really step up and become your best self, as well as to find a loving partner, give me a call. 267-266-6480.

Much love,

Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP
Personal and Relationship Coach
Inspirational Speaker

Beliefs

Are your Beliefs about Romantic Relationships Hurting You?

Romantic relationship beliefs that can hurt you.

Your thoughts matter. What you believe about romantic relationships is very important, especially if you want to be in a romantic relationship or you are in one. What you believe affects the relationship in many different ways. It affects how you feel about it, the actions you make, how you get along, how you fight, the way you express yourself, your commitment level and so on.

Many people do not consciously reflect on what they believe about relationships. They simply go into relationships without having a clue that their deep seated beliefs are affecting every aspect of their relationship. Is this you? Do you know what you believe?

Here are 10 examples of common beliefs about romantic relationships that can hurt you:

  1. A relationship  will make me feel secure and safe.
  2. A relationship will make me feel less lonely.
  3. A relationship will help me feel more confident.
  4. A relationship will fill this void I feel inside.
  5. I will be more happy when I am in a relationship.
  6. Relationships are hard work.
  7. Relationships always let me down.
  8. Relationships lead to heartache.
  9. Relationships are not for me.
  10. Relationships make me feel like I belong.

Are your beliefs hurting you? Are your beliefs hurting your relationships?

are your beliefs about romantic relationships hurting youLike I stated above, your beliefs affect your relationships. They can either benefit or challenge your relationships. How they affect your relationships, depends on your partner, where the beliefs stem from and how they connect with other beliefs.

For example, one of my clients (I will call him Dominick), believed that he would feel more secure when he was in a relationship. This is a common belief. When he met his free-spirited girlfriend, he fell for her fast and made a quick commitment. He felt a sense of security – but only for a little while. Two month’s later, he started to feel scared that he would lose her. Whenever she went to work or out with friends he began to fear that she would find someone else and leave him. He only felt secure when they were together. This tore apart their relationship. He called her constantly while she was away to make sure he was still “secure”. He always needed reassurance. Dominick was viewed as clingy and this pushed his girlfriend away. He called me at this time. We uncovered that he was still suffering from abandonment issues which made him feel unsafe and insecure and he created this belief which put a lot of pressure on his partners to make him feel secure.

Another one of my clients, who I will call Sara, also believed that a relationship would make her feel secure. So, she when she met her boyfriend, she also committed fast and they were married within 6 months. She seen warning signs of abuse, but she moved forward because she felt secure being in the relationship even though she was not safe. She remained married for 2 years but endured verbal abuse and cheating. Sara called near the end of her marriage. She did not feel strong enough to leave the abuse. So, we came to discover that she was lacking self-esteem and felt a little lost in the world. She felt like she needed to know her place in every area of her life. This made her feel secure. She stayed in jobs that were overworking her and in relationships that were unhealthy, just to feel secure – like she belonged.

In both of these examples, their beliefs were destroying themselves and hindered their chances at healthy relationships.

What about you? What do you believe about relationships? How have they affected how you seek a partner and how you behave in relationships?

You can change your beliefs and how you behave in relationships.

One of the amazing things about being human is the potential for change. You can change your appearance, put on weight, take off weight. You can change your career. You can change your hair. You can change your emotions. Also, you can change your thoughts and beliefs. You can improve your relationships.

From the examples above, Dominick and Sara both changed their beliefs to more beneficial beliefs that changed the way they behave in relationships. I am happy to say they are both in healthy relationships now. 🙂

Your thoughts matter in relationships! Check in with your relationship beliefs and make sure they are working for you instead of against you. Of course, if you need coaching, I specialize in helping people retrain the way they think, feel and behave. I have been coaching singles and couples for over 18 years and I have witnessed so many transformations. So, I know you can change too!

With love,

Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP
Life and Relationship Coach
267-266-6480

 

 

Dating Help

5 Common First Date Fears

Does going on a first date make you nervous? Do you have fears about first dates? You are not alone if you do. Most people do. Here are some of the common first date fears that my clients present to me that you may be able to relate with:

  1. “I am not good looking enough.” First impressions matter, right? We all know that is true. And, well your appearance is the first thing your date sees and judges you by. So, of course you want to be concerned about your looks. But, being overly concerned that it interrupts the enjoyment or makes your look nervous can ensure that there is not a second date. Tip: Learn to accept your looks and how to bring out your best qualities.
  2. “I don’t know what to talk about.” This is one of the biggest concerns that I hear from clients. They ask, “What can I talk about?” or “What should I not talk about?” They worry before they even meet their date about conversations. Tip: I say talk about what you love, about what you are passionate about. This is how you will know if you have similar interests. 
  3. dating coach philadelphia, first date kiss“Will he/she like me?” We all desire to be liked especially when on a date. But, worrying about whether you are liked or not will not change the fact that they either will like you or not. In fact, if enter the date with a fear of not being liked, that energy can be felt and it usually does not end up well. Tip: You should be more concerned if you are going to like your date or not. If you are so preoccupied if your date will like you, you may not really get to know your date enough to see if you like them. 
  4. “Should I kiss my date?” I have been asked over and over again, “Should I kiss her?” Tip: Don’t even think about this until you decide if you really want to kiss her or not. Then, if you do, if there are clear signs, then kiss. If there are not clear signs, I think it’s best to ask her first. 
  5. “What should I wear?” Again, first impressions are important. So, of course you want to make sure you are dressed appropriately. Tip: Wear what makes you feel good, what’s appropriate for the date, make sure it’s ironed, is clean and smells fresh. If you need help with your wardrobe, call me and I can help prepare you. 

There are so many other fears that people experience on a first date, a second date and so on! I hope these quick tips help you a little.

As your dating coach, Joanne Cipressi can help you overcome these fears and date with more confidence. If you are a single and looking for love, I can help you prepare for your first date, offer date suggestions, do wardrobe makeovers, do hair/makeup makeovers, share communication tips, overcome fears, work through anxiety, and much, much more! I help singles in the Philadelphia, NYC, and Bucks County areas. If you are in another location, we can set up Skype or Phone sessions. Call me at 267-266-6480 or send me an email at joanne@joannecipressi.com.

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