Ever wonder why bad things happen to good people? It’s a common question that I am asked especially when there are so many horrific situations that occur everyday in our world. I am going to share with some personal experiences from my life that have made me wonder this questions, as well as how do I prefer to deal with this question. Read more “Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People”
People who know me see me as being very sociable, confident and friendly. I am — now. However, I was not always this way.
When I was in my teens and early 20’s, I had terrible social anxiety when it came to certain events. For example, I would agree to go to parties or events with friends and I really wanted to go and looked forward to it — until about an hour or two before the party — especially if everything was not just right!
At that time, I began to panic and my mind turned on me. I began to overanalyze and fear set in. I began to pick myself apart and imagined every reason why no one would want to talk with me. So, I often called my friends and cancelled. It was a horrible place to be and if you experience any type of social anxiety whether its with dating, networking events, work events, business meetings, or fun parties, I feel for you — because I have personally been there. Here are some tips that have helped me and you may benefit from these tips so you can feel confident at social events.
These tips that I offer today are not common suggestions for helping people build their confidence when meeting new people, but they worked for myself and many of my clients. I am going to offer only three tips-one for each the mind, body and emotions. When these three areas of yourself are aligned with one another, you have a better chance at being successful at whatever it is that you do – whether it is for your business or personal life.
1. Body: Exercise
Regular exercise improves your energy levels and produces happy and confident releasing chemicals like testosterone and endorphins. I refer to exercise as a cheat-cheat for feeling confident as these chemicals are very powerful.
I suggest to go for a run, fast walk, jump rope, jump on a trampoline, or some other enjoyable aerobic exercise before you get ready to go to your event and experience the results. ALSO, as an added bonus, exercise gets you in shape which helps you look better and gives you another reason to be confident.
2. Mind: Realize Your Past is in the Past
This is very important! Whatever has caused you to lose your confidence is in the past — it’s done and over with. By you allowing this situation or other situations to affect you, you are essentially still giving power to your past — which is over with.
Just because you were not confident and felt insecure when meeting new people for the last ten years, the last year, and even yesterday does not mean that you have to continue to feel that way. You can choose to change and to learn to be more confident.
Just because you were fearful in the past, does not mean you have to remain fearful. You can change. You can be powerful like that!
So my suggestion is to allow yourself to be a new person (or actually, the “real confident you” that was lost). Talk with yourself in a positive way and give yourself permission to be in the moment and to let the past go. You do have the power to let the old you go and become who you want to be.
3. Emotions: Listen to some upbeat, inspiring and happy music.
Often, before I go out or while driving to an event, I LOVE to stimulate my emotions by some uplifting music. Music has a special way of touching you in a way that nothing else can.
My suggestion to you is to create an invigorating list of music on your device of choice and enjoy the ride anytime you need a pick me up. One of my favorites so far is a song I discovered years ago, called Limitless by Sid Sriram It guarantees pure delight and inspiration.
BONUS TIP: Combine all three tips:
These three tips can be easily combined to really enhance your confidence. Go for a run and bring music along with you. For the first few minutes build yourself up by telling yourself that you are running to something better. You are leaving the old fears and doubts behind. Then, turn on that encouraging music and experience the shift in your person.
Share with me…what is a song that inspires you and pumps you up? What kind of exercise helps you feel more confident? What words do you tell yourself that help you overcome your past and become more secure? Share below in the comments. I reply to everyone!
Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP
Empowerment Personal Coach
Joanne Cipressi is a heart based and passionate coach that is an expert in re-programming thought and emotion patterns for self-esteem, healthy relationships, career success, and vibrant health. She is located in Bucks County (winner of Bucks Best Life Coach) and coaches one-on-one in the entire Philadelphia area, as well as nationally via Skype and Phone. She travels as well. She offers hourly one-on-one sessions, 4 and 8 hour transformational sessions, weekend immersions sessions for dramatic life changes, as well as others programs. Contact her at 267-266-6480 or email her at Joanne@joannecipressi.com to feel great about your life.
Covering Fear Because I was Afraid to Appear Weak
When I was a young teen, I was so brave…or I pretended I was.
Basically, I think I simply hid what I really was feeling and masked it with appearing to be brave because I was afraid to look weak.
Truth Be Told
However, the truth was told as I waited in the tiny doctor’s room – you know those really teeny tiny rooms they keep you in for what seems like eternity before anyone comes to see you – waiting for the nurse to come in to talk to me.
I broke down every single time I had to wait!
I could not handle being in that little, itty, bitty room all by myself.
I would peak outside the door and look down the empty hall in hopes to see someone.
I would pace in the room back and forth.
And, sometimes, I would cry, wondering what was taking them so long.
A few times I walked out of the room and stood in the hallway.
I was so uncomfortable!
I was petrified of small spaces – not just doctor rooms.
And, I knew why – but the why did not help me feel better at all.
Actually, when it comes down to it, the “why” does not matter at all – when needed to move forward!
All I needed to know was that I was afraid of something that could not hurt me…at least not anymore. AND that I wanted to change!
It was so obvious that I was uncomfortable with myself. I really needed to learn to have a better relationship with myself so that I was able to tolerate being alone with my thoughts and emotions.
Facing and Embracing My Fear of Small Spaces
Usually, once I realize something is a problem for me, I face it.
I hate to have anything within my mind or body that is unsettled.
Facing this fear, was what I needed to do.
So, I went to extremes.
When I was 19, I took a trip to the Empire State Building and decided I would stand in that teeny, tiny elevator for all 102 floors!
I was never afraid of heights probably due to the freedom of being up so high with the sky being closer to me. Being up high is so spacious.
But, the small elevator tight with tons of people was another issue.
So, I went by myself. I bought my ticket. For some reason, the second elevator was closed, so I was only able to go to the 86th floor. Which was a great relief for me.
I took a deep breath and stepped inside.
Took another breath and believe it or not, I was completely fine.
But, the ride was so short–so I needed another test.
So, I decided to take a trip to Las Vegas from PA on the smallest airplane I could find.
I figured, a small space for that long would have to completely cure me.
A month later, I was flying across the country.
I sat there and simply felt the fear.
I felt my nerves tingle, and my muscles tighten.
I felt as if my blood was boiling and my mouth was dry.
My head was becoming tight and my neck was tense.
I was hot, very hot.
My hands were sweaty.
Then there was a chill through my whole body. Then, more heat.
So, this is what fear felt like…
I embraced the feeling. I embraced the feeling of fear.
I allowed myself to enjoy the experience andto simply accept.
From there, I was able to reason within my mind, while allowing this feeling of fear to flow through me.
I embraced this fear and welcomed it as a part of who I am.
I was learning to be ok with whatever I was feeling. Accepting. Loving. Being.
You know what?
Magic happened! The fearful feelings completely faded away!
The rest of the ride was without any concerns, as well as the ride back.
It was funny, Tuesday, I went to visit a client who lives in a high rise building.
The friendly concierge greeted as he always does. But this time we warned me that someone got trapped in the elevator just four hours prior.
We joked about it and he said, “Hope you don’t get stuck!”
I replied, “Well, it would be an amazing meditation.”
I walked in the elevator and I wished that it would get stuck…so I could be just there meditating and feeling.
It is amazing how you change and your life changes when you face your fear.
You grow to trust and love yourself even more.
You grow to trust and love others and life even more.
Your Turn to Share
What have you been afraid of that you overcame? What are you currently afraid of? Did this blog encourage you to face your fear? What is the strangest fear that you ever heard of?
Thanks for reading!
Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP
Empowerment Personal Coach
Joanne is passionate about encouraging people to open their hearts and get into touch with themselves, embracing all of who they. She believes this will help with more intimate and safe relationships, better heath, more successful careers and more peace in the world. She hold full immersion seminars in private or for small groups, as well as speaks intimately and openly at events. To reach out to Joanne and ask her to participate in your event or for a transformational full day immersion, call her at 267-266-6480 or email at Joanne@joannecipressi.com
Do you allow fear to stand in your way?
Is fear stopping you from going after something that you want?
Is fear acting like a big tall wall keeping you away from a dream?
Fear is like an imaginary demon that many people allow to live in their minds. It torments them, haunts them, and makes them feel so small that they stop doing what they really want to do. I’m sure that you have at least one of those imaginary demons living in your mind — or you would not be reading this right now.
Hmmm…well, I know the feeling, because that little demon was in my mind as well and sometimes it revisits me. When he starts knocking, we have to have a little talk and work on a few issues, then fortunately, these days, he strolls away.
Fear is something we all have to deal with from time to time. But, there are some people, that fear is always there and seems to permanently reside in their thought patterns interrupting them from being content doing what they desire to.
It’s interesting actually, that we allow these illusions to have so much control. These illusions are not even real nor tangible. What we fear is not even present because it’s about something that we think may happen in the future – whether that future is in a few moments or in a few months.
It seems a bit crazy when you really think about it. We are scared of something happening that has not actually happened and most likely will not happen.
However, what’s interesting, is that by fearing something (especially when we obsessively fear something), we often create what we fear to become a reality in the future. This is because we are so focused on this fear which affects our mental state, our emotional patterns, our words and our actions. We basically set ourselves up for attracting this “something” to us. For example, you fear social situations because you are afraid people may judge you, not like you, think something awful of you, or you are unsure what to talk about. By worrying about these things, you are more likely to stutter, look unpleasant, make mistakes, spill a drink or something else that could be avoided if you were able to focus on and enjoy your interactions.
Another interesting, yet unfortunate aspect about fear,Is is that it takes you away from what you really want. For example, if you are fearful of being cheated on by your partner, you are always looking to see if he/she is acting in suspicious ways, you may be badgering your partner with questions about the opposite sex, and you feel insecure about the relationship. All of these things will most likely push your partner away instead of bringing him/her closer. Instead of fearing, you can be admiring the good qualities, focusing on what you value about your relationship, and enjoying your time together – all which will enhance the quality of your partnership.
What is it that you fear? Social situations, balloons, being abandoned, snakes, dentists, being poor, being cheated on, being fired, not getting a new job, being alone for the rest of your life, making mistakes, not attaining your goals, cats, love, death?
If you have had a fear for a long time, you know the damage that fear can do. It can destroy opportunities, relationships, careers, health, and the quality of your life.
Overcoming fear is easier said than done, as you know. If would refreshing, if we wake one day and “poof” the fear is gone. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most people.
As a life coach, I help people overcome fear all the time. Fear is one of the biggest stumbling blocks that I have seen that come between a person’s dreams and actually achieving their dreams. This is true for those that want a healthy and happy relationship, a better career, improved vitality, and all of those goals people have like public speaking, writing a book, swimming, drawing, making new friends, overcoming an addiction and so on.
One of the first steps is to acknowledge your fears, admit them and realize how they are disrupting your life. Once you are able to do this, then you can work on overcoming your fear and transforming it into something else that is more useful in your life.
When you are finally ready to overcome your fear, I have over 18 years experience helping people move past their fears and to move forward with their goals. Reach out. That’s what I am here for!
Personal and Relationship Coach