So, you are single and want to find love. You want to find someone that you admire, respect, trust, are attracted to and enjoy being with.
You want someone that is compatible with your dreams, habits, ideals, and beliefs.
You want someone you can trust, grow closer to and be yourself with. Basically, you want your “happily ever after” that you can share the rest of your life with.
Have you been seeking for this special someone for what seems to be an eternity? Has it been so long since you found anyone that comes even close to your ideals? Or are you discovering some amazing people, but they are not interested in you? If any of these apply, ask yourself these 4 questions:
- Are you constantly lonely? Feeling lonely is a horrible feeling. I remember that feeling many years ago, so I can absolutely relate. However, I have learned that looking for love while you are lonely, will only lead you to people who are vibrating on that frequency (or one compatible with that feeling) and will not make you attractive to those people you deserve and desire to love for a lifetime. Suggestion: Learn to be your best friend and to enjoy being alone. (Also, keep in mind, its natural to feel lonely once in a while, but if you are in a constant state of loneliness, then the above applies and you should really learn to enjoy your own company before looking for love.)
- Are you still recovering or hurting from a past love? If you are still recovering from a bad breakup or hurting from recently ending a long term relationship, it may be wise to heal a little bit more before you start seeking. Suggestion: Forgive both yourself and your ex-partner, learn from your mistakes and give yourself permission to move forward for something better.
- What do you really want? What are your must haves? Knowing clearly what you want and feel you need from a relationship is very important. Are you looking to build a family with children or are you looking for a life-long partner to change the world without children? Do you want that super close knit relationship where you do everything together or do you need lots of space? Do you have any conditions or concerns that you need an understanding and patient partner? Knowing what you want and need will help you attract the type of individual best suited for you. Suggestion: Take time to get to know yourself better to discover what you really want and need. Write a short list and don’t bend when meeting someone that does not fit. This list should be short as these are to be the most important must haves that you will not bend on. Remember, all good relationships have partners who compromise on many things, so make sure your list is reasonable and only focuses on what is MOST important.
- What are your deal breakers? We all have at least one thing that we definitely do not want in a relationship. I have two and when I was dating, those were the first two questions I asked when I first met someone. I wanted to know before we even considered going on a date. I did not want to waste time with someone, romantically, if they did these two things. It may sound cold, but when you date, you need to make sure you are being fair to both you and your potential partner by being honest about what you need up front. Sure, you may like each and enjoy being with one another, but if they do or want something that is a definite deal breaker and you find out after you starting building a bond, there can be some unnecessary uneasiness and time wasted. Suggestion: Figure out what your definite deal breakers are. This does not include “maybes”. This only includes those very few things you know that you can not tolerate nor want in a relationship.
Reflecting on these 4 questions can certainly help you know yourself better and make you more equipped for finding the love you want.
As a dating coach, I help singles become the best they can be so they find the best partner possible for them. I help them overcome fears, habits, and communication skills that are hindering their success, as well as help them improve their image, personality, emotional and thought patterns so they can attract their ideal partner.
When you are serious and ready to really step up and become your best self, as well as to find a loving partner, give me a call. 267-266-6480.
Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP
Personal and Relationship Coach