Covering Fear Because I was Afraid to Appear Weak
When I was a young teen, I was so brave…or I pretended I was.
Basically, I think I simply hid what I really was feeling and masked it with appearing to be brave because I was afraid to look weak.
Truth Be Told
However, the truth was told as I waited in the tiny doctor’s room – you know those really teeny tiny rooms they keep you in for what seems like eternity before anyone comes to see you – waiting for the nurse to come in to talk to me.
I broke down every single time I had to wait!
I could not handle being in that little, itty, bitty room all by myself.
I would peak outside the door and look down the empty hall in hopes to see someone.
I would pace in the room back and forth.
And, sometimes, I would cry, wondering what was taking them so long.
A few times I walked out of the room and stood in the hallway.
I was so uncomfortable!
I was petrified of small spaces – not just doctor rooms.
And, I knew why – but the why did not help me feel better at all.
Actually, when it comes down to it, the “why” does not matter at all – when needed to move forward!
All I needed to know was that I was afraid of something that could not hurt me…at least not anymore. AND that I wanted to change!
It was so obvious that I was uncomfortable with myself. I really needed to learn to have a better relationship with myself so that I was able to tolerate being alone with my thoughts and emotions.
Facing and Embracing My Fear of Small Spaces
Usually, once I realize something is a problem for me, I face it.
I hate to have anything within my mind or body that is unsettled.
Facing this fear, was what I needed to do.
So, I went to extremes.
When I was 19, I took a trip to the Empire State Building and decided I would stand in that teeny, tiny elevator for all 102 floors!
I was never afraid of heights probably due to the freedom of being up so high with the sky being closer to me. Being up high is so spacious.
But, the small elevator tight with tons of people was another issue.
So, I went by myself. I bought my ticket. For some reason, the second elevator was closed, so I was only able to go to the 86th floor. Which was a great relief for me.
I took a deep breath and stepped inside.
Took another breath and believe it or not, I was completely fine.
But, the ride was so short–so I needed another test.
So, I decided to take a trip to Las Vegas from PA on the smallest airplane I could find.
I figured, a small space for that long would have to completely cure me.
A month later, I was flying across the country.
I sat there and simply felt the fear.
I felt my nerves tingle, and my muscles tighten.
I felt as if my blood was boiling and my mouth was dry.
My head was becoming tight and my neck was tense.
I was hot, very hot.
My hands were sweaty.
Then there was a chill through my whole body. Then, more heat.
So, this is what fear felt like…
I embraced the feeling. I embraced the feeling of fear.
I allowed myself to enjoy the experience andto simply accept.
From there, I was able to reason within my mind, while allowing this feeling of fear to flow through me.
I embraced this fear and welcomed it as a part of who I am.
I was learning to be ok with whatever I was feeling. Accepting. Loving. Being.
You know what?
Magic happened! The fearful feelings completely faded away!
The rest of the ride was without any concerns, as well as the ride back.
It was funny, Tuesday, I went to visit a client who lives in a high rise building.
The friendly concierge greeted as he always does. But this time we warned me that someone got trapped in the elevator just four hours prior.
We joked about it and he said, “Hope you don’t get stuck!”
I replied, “Well, it would be an amazing meditation.”
I walked in the elevator and I wished that it would get stuck…so I could be just there meditating and feeling.
It is amazing how you change and your life changes when you face your fear.
You grow to trust and love yourself even more.
You grow to trust and love others and life even more.
Your Turn to Share
What have you been afraid of that you overcame? What are you currently afraid of? Did this blog encourage you to face your fear? What is the strangest fear that you ever heard of?
Thanks for reading!
Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP
Empowerment Personal Coach
Joanne is passionate about encouraging people to open their hearts and get into touch with themselves, embracing all of who they. She believes this will help with more intimate and safe relationships, better heath, more successful careers and more peace in the world. She hold full immersion seminars in private or for small groups, as well as speaks intimately and openly at events. To reach out to Joanne and ask her to participate in your event or for a transformational full day immersion, call her at 267-266-6480 or email at Joanne@joannecipressi.com