Fear

Is Fear Standing in Your Way?

Do you allow fear to stand in your way?

Is fear stopping you from going after something that you want?

Is fear acting like a big tall wall keeping you away from a dream?

Fear is like an imaginary demon that many people allow to live in their minds. It torments them, haunts them, and makes them feel so small that they stop doing what they really want to do.Fear is like an imaginary demon that many people allow to live in their minds. It torments them, haunts them, and makes them feel so small that they stop doing what they really want to do. I’m sure that you have at least one of those imaginary demons living in your mind — or you would not be reading this right now.

Hmmm…well, I know the feeling, because that little demon was in my mind as well and sometimes it revisits me. When he starts knocking, we have to have a little talk and work on a few issues, then fortunately, these days, he strolls away.

Fear is something we all have to deal with from time to time. But, there are some people, that fear is always there and seems to permanently reside in their thought patterns interrupting them from being content doing what they desire to.

It’s interesting actually, that we allow these illusions to have so much control. These illusions are not even real nor tangible. What we fear is not even present because it’s about something that we think may happen in the future – whether that future is in a few moments or in a few months.

It seems a bit crazy when you really think about it. We are scared of something happening that has not actually happened and most likely will not happen.

However, what’s interesting, is that by fearing something (especially when we obsessively fear something), we often create what we fear to become a reality in the future. This is because we are so focused on this fear which affects our mental state, our emotional patterns, our words and our actions. We basically set ourselves up for attracting this “something” to us. For example, you fear social situations because you are afraid people may judge you, not like you, think something awful of you, or you are unsure what to talk about. By worrying about these things, you are more likely to stutter, look unpleasant, make mistakes, spill a drink or something else that could be avoided if you were able to focus on and enjoy your interactions.

Another interesting, yet unfortunate aspect about fear,Is  is that it takes you away from what you really want. For example, if you are fearful of being cheated on by your partner, you are always looking to see if he/she is acting in suspicious ways, you may be badgering your partner with questions about the opposite sex, and you feel insecure about the relationship. All of these things will most likely push your partner away instead of bringing him/her closer.  Instead of fearing, you can be admiring the good qualities, focusing on what you value about your relationship, and enjoying your time together – all which will enhance the quality of your partnership.

What is it that you fear? Social situations, balloons, being abandoned, snakes, dentists, being poor, being cheated on, being fired, not getting a new job, being alone for the rest of your life, making mistakes, not attaining your goals, cats, love, death?

If you have had a fear for a long time, you know the damage that fear can do. It can destroy opportunities, relationships, careers, health, and the quality of your life.

Overcoming fear is easier said than done, as you know. If would refreshing, if we wake one day and “poof” the fear is gone. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most people.

As a life coach, I help people overcome fear all the time. Fear is one of the biggest stumbling blocks that I have seen that come between a person’s dreams and actually achieving their dreams. This is true for those that want a healthy and happy relationship, a better career, improved vitality, and all of those goals people have like public speaking, writing a book, swimming, drawing, making new friends, overcoming an addiction and so on.

One of the first steps is to acknowledge your fears, admit them and realize how they are disrupting your life. Once you are able to do this, then you can work on overcoming your fear and transforming it into something else that is more useful in your life.

When you are finally ready to overcome your fear, I have over 18 years experience helping people move past their fears and to move forward with their goals. Reach out. That’s what I am here for!

Much love,

Joanne Cipressi
Personal and Relationship Coach

 

Dating Help

Looking for Love? Ask Yourself these 4 Questions First!

So, you are single and want to find love. You want to find someone that you admire, respect, trust, are attracted to and enjoy being with.

You want someone that is compatible with your dreams, habits, ideals, and beliefs.

You want someone you can trust, grow closer to and be yourself with. Basically, you want your “happily ever after” that you can share the rest of your life with.

Have you been seeking for this special someone for what seems to be an eternity? Has it been so long since you found anyone that comes even close to your ideals? Or are you discovering some amazing people, but they are not interested in you? If any of these apply, ask yourself these 4 questions:

  1. Are you constantly lonely? Feeling lonely is a horrible feeling. I remember that feeling many years ago, so I can absolutely relate. However, I have learned that looking for love while you are lonely, will only lead you to people who are vibrating on that frequency (or one compatible with that feeling) and will not make you attractive to those people you deserve and desire to love for a lifetime. Suggestion: Learn to be your best friend and to enjoy being alone. (Also, keep in mind, its natural to feel lonely once in a while, but if you are in a constant state of loneliness, then the above applies and you should really learn to enjoy your own company before looking for love.)
  2. Are you still recovering or hurting from a past love? If you are still recovering from a bad breakup or hurting from recently ending a long term relationship, it may be wise to heal a little bit more before you start seeking. Suggestion: Forgive both yourself and your ex-partner, learn from your mistakes and give yourself permission to move forward for something better.
  3. Looking for love tip 1What do you really want? What are your must haves? Knowing clearly what you want and feel you need from a relationship is very important. Are you looking to build a family with children or are you looking for a life-long partner to change the world without children? Do you want that super close knit relationship where you do everything together or do you need lots of space? Do you have any conditions or concerns that you need an understanding and patient partner? Knowing what you want and need will help you attract the type of individual best suited for you. Suggestion: Take time to get to know yourself better to discover what you really want and need. Write a short list and don’t bend when meeting someone that does not fit. This list should be short as these are to be the most important must haves that you will not bend on. Remember, all good relationships have partners who compromise on many things, so make sure your list is reasonable and only focuses on what is MOST important. 
  4. What are your deal breakers? We all have at least one thing that we definitely do not want in a relationship. I have two and when I was dating, those were the first two questions I asked when I first met someone. I wanted to know before we even considered going on a date. I did not want to waste time with someone, romantically, if they did these two things. It may sound cold, but when you date, you need to make sure you are being fair to both you and your potential partner by being honest about what you need up front. Sure, you may like each and enjoy being with one another, but if they do or want something that is a definite deal breaker and you find out after you starting building a bond, there can be some unnecessary uneasiness and time wasted. Suggestion: Figure out what your definite deal breakers are. This does not include “maybes”. This only includes those very few things you know that you can not tolerate nor want in a relationship. 

Reflecting on these 4 questions can certainly help you know yourself better and make you more equipped for finding the love you want.

As a dating coach, I help singles become the best they can be so they find the best partner possible for them. I help them overcome fears, habits, and communication skills that are hindering their success, as well as help them improve their image, personality, emotional and thought patterns so they can attract their ideal partner.

When you are serious and ready to really step up and become your best self, as well as to find a loving partner, give me a call. 267-266-6480.

Much love,

Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP
Personal and Relationship Coach
Inspirational Speaker